A Clean Slate – Tabula rasa

In this post I stick again to my own experience, do not quote other sources or generalise my insights as valid truths for other beings. Therefore I won’t begin with ‘we’, but ‘me’.

Over the years I have learned that I am much more than what my rational mind and five senses try to make me belief. The intellect is helpful as a tool to plan, organise, finetune and implement ideas, but every time I re-member aspects of my soul and spirit, and the vastness of existence, a set of rather different antennae of perception is in charge. To give you an example (natural / unaided meditation):

Outside the Universe: The below image is my digital sketch of what I got to see during a meditation, several years ago: I am in a realm that feels like the edge of the Universe. I enter a vacuum-like space – empty yet in terms of consciousness it is ‘pure potentiality’ – and from there I move towards the rim of a funnel-like shape. Looking from that edge into the funnel I see a huge deep space opening in which I find the entire Universe with galaxies and star systems. Upon diving in and focusing closer, I see planets and also Earth, but only as super-tiny far-away dots.
From the vast infinite stillness outside the Universe happens a swift shift and suddenly I am in my bone fibres. Suddenly my awareness travels through them as if they were colonnades or a promenade.
Getting stretched between macro and micro, and being held within a frequency that allows those extremes is on the challenging side for the physical body. Breathing is difficult. Body feels inadequate, too small and dense.
Accepting and holding this space and the contrasts, eventually leads me to an inner state of void, yet it felt as if the Universe, the entire Existence, is in my heart. Like pure infinity and potentiality in me. And me in it.”


I would also like to share an episode from a comprehensive experience in unity consciousness (a decade ago). The inner pictures I received were breathtakingly beautiful, incredibly clear and powerful. I bathed in feelings of unlimited reason-less  joy, love and witnessed the non-stop flow of creativity. It felt like roaming existence on the wings of pure consciousness. I remember how I observed the inner revelation and unfoldment in awe and open mouthed. And then, after this trance-like state, it was really hard to endure the lack of adequate media for expressing what I had discovered. No language, no sound, no picture could convey my experience.

On my inner screen I was shown laws of life which appeared to have universal validity (true for every being). The first ‘lesson’ I faced is this:

You have a choice & Your thoughts have power: You have the choice between a life of pain and suffering or one in beauty and joy. After some attempts by brown-ish, frightening fungal creatures to pull me into the ‘darkness’, I decide not to pay any attention to the disturbing beings, and to trustfully enter into an area of bright light that opened up in parallel. Promptly I see the most beautiful forms, colours, colour combinations, the most harmonious line movements and network structures – everything is connected with everything. I see sparks, light lines, nature elements, plants, flowers, growth and opening horizons. I sense aliveness. I feel an endless expansiveness and depth and height. And everything is held by a great golden-red-orange sun. I automatically know, I must pursue the joy. With ease I focus on upliftment and get immediately shifted into another space where an incredible vitality, color variety and the most beautiful form compositions surround me. I am guided by this positive, ever increasing energy. And I am stunned, laugh out loud at times, marvel open-mouthed over the intensity of all that is revealed. My understanding is instant: Everyone has a choice over their attitude and focus. And the intention of the thoughts plays an essential role, because they create realities. While this is happening, another conscious part of me is pondering how the heck I could mediate to others what I experienced here. And what could I do with my life to live up to this beauty, fullness and joy? The journey continued.

Although just a state of meditation, it was like a direct life experience for my learning and growth, a ‘consciousness event’. There were altogether seven lessons during this internal journey. Each one felt as if I was awakened into the wisdom of life with every cell of my being. How simple and yet graceful everything unfolded completely blew my mind, and humbled me.

There have been various incidents, that made me recognise that ultimate truth is of intelligent beauty, benevolence and simplicity (simple but profound). Nevertheless, I identify on Earth also a maze of disintegration, regression, reversals, halftruths, distortions and misunderstandings. How is this discrepancy possible? 

Once you start searching for answers, you will get the information. Given our individual backgrounds and journeys over lifetimes and dimensions, each one of us has to find their own way back to integrity and sovereignty, to truth and supreme source. And it is very clear to me that the path of returning home, to self and spirit, is a unique inner trek. 

I have sensed and seen how much beauty, kindness and grace is possible. And in view of a given free will, my choice is to facilitate this type of reality. My only ‘agenda’ would be that it may serve the highest good of myself and those involved, serve love, life, health, peace, beauty, creativity, humour, cooperation, freedom and jubilance. This is what I can wholeheartedly choose. This is what my soul and spirit resonate with, are delighted with and ready to co-create. 

Despite of (or because of?) the broadband of my experiences – a ‘fine selection of dark and light’ – I feel no desire to promote, push or fight for anything. At least not now. There are no urgent personal wishes. There is no need to initiate any type of activism. Surely, I have views on things and preferences, and I feel free to point out BS or Beauty here and there. However, this tends to take place without emotional charge and expectations of specific outcomes. The predominate state in me is detachment. I do care, but not out of compulsion.

To accept and to surrender to this serene inner void is not that easy. While a part of me is ready, sharp and charged to do something in the physical, there is another (bigger) part in me which is calm and collected. The initially described journey of contrasts comes to my mind: holding the space between a potent vacuum-like infinity space outside the universe and cruising the arcades of my intricate bone fibre details within. 

To observe and hold such opposites or contradictions seems a re-occuring pattern and leitmotiv for me (example on a more worldly level: living in Germany and India!). It is challenging to get stretched like this, but unwinding is possible by going beyond, by balancing myself in a sort of inner non-dual zero point field. And this is actually a good space to be in. It allows present moment awareness and creates an inner fire or energetic friction, which fuel an alchemy that helps to strengthen me and my perception – and inspires to witness without judgement. It also keeps reaffirming:

On the level of consciousness I am an infinite, benevolent being and I live in an infinite, benevolent universe. The universe is in me, as I am in the universe.

A deeply moving and truly groundbreaking feeling. There is literally no ground to keep.
Only presence. And the light sword of discernment.

pure consciousness

Related post: Ascetic or Exuberant Awakening?

2 thoughts on “A Clean Slate – Tabula rasa

  1. Pooja

    Wow marina! Such a profound experience and I loved this article. I have read most of your articles and I like the way you write and your experiences but this one totally blew mind! You are so blessed. I feel lucky to have been associated with you and like to thank you again for the cleansing you did on me. (…) My love and best wishes to you !



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