Rivalry, envy, gossiping and backstabbing amongst women (teenagers and adults alike) are a complex ‘female betrayal’ phenomenon, and I’d like to share some key dynamics to raise awareness.
Manipulative and regressive behaviour amongst women can always be tracked back to their emotional wounding during childhood. Yes, that is nothing new, and you have probably heard this before. AND YET, still not many women are willing to review and shed light on their past, feel it, and therewith heal it.
Our childhood experiences can determine the quality of life we have as adults. Every unhealed trauma and oppressed emotion has a consequence to our beingness. When we grow up, the collective consciousness field has a significant influence on us but above all, our ancestral imprints and parents’ attitudes. AS CHILDREN WE ABSORB LIKE PSYCHIC SPONGES the behaviour patterns of our fathers and mothers. And in this day and age, we simply have far too many emotionally wounded and unhealed men and women – unhealed parents!
Simple example: How many people carry the virus I’m not good enough in their software? A latent sense of inadequacy, deep emotional frustration, subconscious rage. AND HOW MANY WOMEN have a distorted image of the female principle and disassociate themselves from their bodies (and cycles!), and the feminine – the exuberant, intuitive, encompassing, compassionate, creative, receptive and life-giving aspects of existence! And this is not surprising in view of society’s state of consciousness, patriarchal norms and the world events of the past centuries. Which mother was truly FULFILLED, self-realized and perceptive, and could understand and support her daughter optimally in her development?
OUR OWN MOTHERS were emotionally wounded through their childhood experiences, unhappy and frustrated about lack of opportunities and their own incapacity to express their feelings, needs, but also talents and strengths. And so many have an unspoken grudge. These resentments, even if suppressed, nevertheless find their way out and show up in form of MANIPULATION: subtle or open criticism, blame, jealousy, entitlement, narcissism…
This has an enormous IMPACT on the child, especially the DAUGHTER, whose perception of her own female wealth gets distorted. Maternal envy, criticism, punishment and expectations undermine the daughter’s self-confidence. She grows up believing that she is not good enough AND that she has to be on her guard all the time. She also learns from her mother that certain feelings are not to be honestly, transparently expressed, but have to be masked with manipulative behaviour-strategies. This destroys her spontaneous self-expression and trust in her own perception, and it erodes her confidence in women in general.
Beyond that, many girls have to GROW UP FAST and skip the one-time-only chance to be a child. They get pushed into a caretaker role for their mother (‘parentified daughter’ who takes care of mum and siblings) which is not only inappropriate but ABUSIVE. (This can happen to sons as well.)
The tricky part here is, that in the course of her life, this daughter, as the MOTHER OF HER OWN MOTHER, will feel better / more capable / more important than her mother, and look down on her mum. That does not happen consciously. It is simply due to the dysfunctional dynamics in the family constellation. This REVERSAL of the hierarchy usually has serious consequences on the daughter’s life: impatience, latent seething anger, arrogance, disrespect for mother / parents paired with a sense of duty and / guilt (thus leading to an interruption of the natural flow of love), loss of vitality and joy of life because precious energy is tied to the mother, conflicts with authorities and much more.
Good news is that we can decide to HEAL these wounds. We can make NEW CHOICES! And what I would like to say, is this in essence: We have to stop playing this old destructive game, stop seeing others as enemy or competitor, stop blaming others as well as stop blaming our childhood or parents. Instead, we have to enter the path of self-healing. GENTLY turn within, grieve, re-member ourselves, consciously (re-)connect to the BENEVOLENT OMNIPRESENT POWER OF EXISTENCE that is larger than us humans, forgive all parties involved and move on with the awareness gained in the process. After all, we are more than our stories. We are CO-CREATORS together with existence!
It is a HUGE TASK to heal the damage that has taken place in women, and men. With courage, self-awareness and self-love it can be done though. And through inner awakening and the recovery of their dignity, both men and women will gain momentum to increasingly create conscious, mature and harmoneous relationships – and healthy, balanced and confident children! ❤️🕉️🕉️🕉️❤️