We are often unaware of the emotional wounds and unhealed shock experiences that we carry. Nevertheless they have an influence on our lives. These unsettling and painful events we went through are stored in our body systems and repeat themselves in this life, or from one life to another. So again and again, we are further entangled with them as we keep on attracting what is imprinted in our energy system, our subconscious mind.
For example, split-off soul parts due to childhood trauma have a massive influence on our behaviour as adult. The stage on which our fragmentations show up is usually the relationship with our life partner. We experience an emotional roller coaster, a dance on the volcano – alternating between fiery and frosty.
What is splitting off, and what does it mean exactly? When we experience a shock during our formative years (conception, childhood, adolescence), like abuse, being left alone, hospital stay, divorce of parents, violence, stress in the family, difficult birth or issues at school, usually the affected soul part ‘shock freezes’ and stops continuing to develop together with the rest of the body system. This withdrawal is a human self-protection mechanism and does not happen consciously. So if there were disturbing experiences at the age of 1, 3, and 7 years, then the adult carries isolated aspects of himself of exactly the age when the dissociation took place. And depending on the current life situation and triggers, the 1-, 3- or 7-year-old self reacts. Reactive, regressive behaviour in adults is an indication of those split-off parts which call for attention to get re-integrated.
Withdrawal and sulking in a conflict situation amongst adults are typical childhood patterns that may occur, as long as the grown up has not yet integrated the inner child facets. Helplessness and uncontrollable tears associated with a feeling of powerlessness also belong to a child, not to an adult. Equally characteristic is the insatiable need for proximity, attention and approval.
A common attempt to compensate for a wounded emotional body is an ‘exaggerated’ physical body, for example through extreme efforts to strengthen and perfect the body (extreme muscle training, surgery) and outer appearance (clothes, make up, sex appeal) or to increase one’s status (education / knowledge, job title, accumulation / possessions etc). Whatever appears to be the right band aid for feeling safe, powerful and in control.
A fragmented emotional body can also lead to distractions with spiritual activities. Spiritual escapism to avoid confrontations in the mundane world and therewith an examination of one’s unresolved emotional wounds and painful memories linked to this Earthly reality. Distractions can include ceaseless visits of workshops, conferences and retreats as well as books, webinars and guru hopping. A more subtle form of spiritual bypassing are defensive attitudes: either spiritual snobbery or exaggerated niceness and optimism which sugarcoat everything with ‘love and light’ as we are ‘all one’ and ‘bigger than our story’. All these are strategies to hide from a self-responsible and honest reality check. They prevent us from truly feeling what’s going on inside of us, and therewith from healing.
More often than not the rootcauses of health problems lie in an inner separation that is connected with experiences of distress as a baby or child. Experiences that left serious wounds and dents in the child’s psyche, self-image and cell memory, and began to influence his thought patterns, his understanding of himself and the environment, and even his breathing pattern (therewith affecting various other body functions).
We have to re-member the split-off parts and bring them back on board. Anyone who merges with these long forgotten childhood fragments can feel a profound healing and completion, and comes closer towards embodying his true self. It is fascinating that the subconscious mind of a human being knows exactly when something has been cut off and why (at what age, in this or a past life). Therapy that can facilitate such aha-moments, cognitive shifts and consciousness expansions is highly effective for healing the root cause of an issue and completely closing a timeline.
When pieces of our soul and self expression got lost during childhood, the grieving about those losses, followed by the reintegration of those parts will lead to reconciliation and inner peace. This completion is an essential element in the foundation for living as a healthy, mature and authentic adult human being. And then it is possible to also have mature, truly loving and powerful relationships.